So about the whole Wemma bizness…

I was originally writing this as a comment over at Deconstructing Glee. But I’m sort of over the discussion, so here is my last word on the subject (directed to Dawn Webber):

“I agree that all the relationships in Glee are problematic. The entire show is problematic.

And I am *not* making light of abuse. At all. You *can’t* tell me what an abusive relationship is. Your experiences do not represent the sum total of all kinds of abuse. You are not the final arbiter of what is or is not abusive.

The Born this Way ep stands out to me because this was the turning point for how I perceived Wemma. I found that scene with the fruit unbelievably triggering. I’ve been in abusive situations *exactly* like that.

Fine. You (and most commenters in this thread) do not and would not perceive a person behaving the way Will does as abusive. Great. Does this change the fact that some people might? No. Does it change the fact that some people in this situation would consider it abusive and some would not? No. Everyone decides what is or is not good for them.”

This was, ultimately, the point of my post. It is about agency. And ableism. And the abuse so common among people with different abilities or who are neuro-atypical. I don’t *care* about these characters beyond what they tell me about larger social attitudes about disability and abuse.

I repeat: I do not care about these characters. If you are only disagreeing with me because you are fan of the show or these particular characters, you’ve missed the point entirely. But since I don’t actually care, I’ll capitulate. Will is not abusive. Happy?

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11 comments

  1. ” Everyone decides what is or is not good for them.”

    I can agree with this. I can’t speak for others, but MY issue was that you originally seemed to be saying that Will was abusive, and anyone who disagreed with that notion was wrong.

    1. Yes, I think Will is abusive. Is everyone who disagrees with me wrong? Not necessarily particularly not as it applies to the real world. I was happy to debate it, not necessarily gonna change my mind but willing to discuss. It is never a concern of mine whether or not people agree with me. And we are certainly allowed to disagree a great deal in how we interpret the relationship between two fictional people.

  2. Layla Mays · · Reply

    NO! you have missed the point! He is HELPING! sorry if you don’t understand it! i feel sorry for you that you don’t understand that love is also about helping your partner! that is not what you call abusive! this is your opinion i understand! yes i am a huge fan of Glee and Wemma! one of the reasons is because Will and Emma have a good relationship a great one, not an abusive one! Sorry for having a go but in my opinion your wrong!

    1. Love? Sure… and no one has ever been abused by people who love them. Ever. In the history of the world.

    2. NovelBee · · Reply

      Saying you “feel sorry for” someone for not agreeing with you is pretty rude and condescending.

      1. It took me a moment to figure out that you didn’t mean me, with respect to your comment. It is somewhat rude… But, to be fair (perhaps more than I need to be), I’ve not been very polite in this ‘debate.’

        Anyway… I appreciate this bit of support. :D

      2. NovelBee · · Reply

        No prob, biyuti. I missed this whole debate but would have been more on your side. I don’t know about “abusive,” because I’m not sure what my own barometer is for that, but I think Will’s behavior is often ableist and heterosexist. I’d say more, but I know the ship has sailed.

        1. Actually, I’d love to hear more. The debate (contrary to what most of the people think, I’m sure) has been making me think real hard about abuse and what it means, how it is expressed, and what counts as abuse. I really think that the conversation, had it gone differently, could have been a very interesting exploration for the ways that ableism can inform or colour our understanding of abuse and for what it means to construct behaviour as abusive.

          Either way… I’m definitely still pondering this over.

  3. I wouldn’t say I’m happy because this was actually a fairly civil dialogue we had going here before you resorted to the “I’m taking my toys and going home” bit. Obviously you do care about the show and the characters or you wouldn’t have had to dramatically announce how much you don’t care. I do care about the show and the characters…however Glee is not the Sun that my Earth orbits. I know the difference between television and reality, thanks. I also know the difference between an abusive relationship and a dysfunctional one. Do you?

    1. I have zero obligation to engage with you, regardless of whether or not you are being ‘civil.’

  4. [...] I’m also vindicated on the account of the wemma shit that went down here and at Deconstructing Glee. The show *has* been constructing their [...]

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